Duh, It's Not Food That Made Me Fat, It's My Food Allergies

By Bianca

I was reading The Huffington Post yesterday when a headline caught my eye. Are Your Food Allergies making You Fat?

Now like any good fatty, I know that the fat on my body is not my fault. It has nothing to do with my eating or exercise habits at all. It’s purely genetic. The fact that I had pizza for dinner last night, and breakfast this morning, has no effect on my weight whatsoever. None.

However that argument is sometimes just not good enough for people. Don’t you just hate the phrase ‘Eat less and exercise more’? It seriously drives me up a wall. There was a time in my life that I did eat less and exercise more. I had a major eating disorder that screwed up my metabolism, making me fatter than ever.

Basically what I am saying is that eating less and exercising more made me fat. I am of a good mind to sue the jerk who came up with that little catchphrase. Anyone want to jump on the bandwagon, so we can take this to class action status?

As I said, people like to disagree with genetics, and argue with you, so I am always on the look out for new reasons to throw at people about why I am fat. I am certainly not going to take responsibility for it. And anything who thinks I should is lame. Like people who eat basil (if anyone besides Sylvia gets this reference, I will love you forever).

So I was beyond delighted to see that there was an actual doctor out there, who was telling the world that food was not making us fat, but it was in fact our allergies to said food that caused us to pack on the pounds. Take that fatty haters!!

Of course, there was also a bunch of sciency stuff and big words, so I kind of skimmed alot of the article. But I did notice at the end that the doctor recommended cutting certain food – gluten, dairy, eggs, corn, yeast and peanuts – out of your diet for a few weeks. And that’s where the article got on my bad side. Is he seriously suggesting that I stop eating cheese for 3 weeks? Ohhh, and I just googled ‘Does wine have yeast in it’ and IT DOES, so this jerk of a doctor wants me to stop eating cheese and drinking wine, just because he says so? Oh, we are so fighting now.

Food allergies can kiss my fat ass.

• Cousens: Industry must pursue new IP // News